Greetings,

Well, once again we have another slow day gone down, but at the same time, it�s a stressful one in of it�s own. Let�s start from the beginning.

This morning I got up around 0800 after resetting the alarm clock a few times. I really must break myself of that habit and learn to just get up with it. Not only that, I�ve got to manage my time a little better, perhaps post my entries and print off my letters to Nicki before 2100, when I usually try to relax with a game or talk to Michele. She really thinks that she�s bringing me down, when in reality she�s the savior of my sanity. But again I digress�I got up and went to the gym around 1100 hours. I thought that it would be like any other time in the gym, do my usual exercises, but the Xanax must have still been in my system because I could only do half of my normal routine, and I didn�t even bother running. Hell, I was trying to do 80 pounds on the chest press machine, something that would have normally been no problem for me, but it was a struggle in of its own.

When I got out of there, I went and cashed the $50 check that my in-laws gave me for my birthday, and got some lunch at Wendy�s. From there, I came home and started doing some minor HTML work on the journal here. Today I duplicated the notifylist code so that it appears at the top as well as the bottom of the page. Most of my visitors seem to be people who are crawling through google and msn search results, but perhaps I�ll get lucky and find a few other people who are friends of Nicki and they�ll want to keep up on her. Right now I�ve got two unique email addresses that belong to the list.

I also, with the help of Michele, set up a support webpage for Nicki. I encourage anyone who is reading this to please drop a note at this site, as any posts will be printed off and sent to her. I want to show her that there a lot of people out there, maybe even some people who she doesn�t even know, rooting for her success. As to why I�m doing this�I can�t sit here any longer and pray that she makes it. Even now, I feel like there�s more that I can do for her besides setting up the support page, writing to her every day, sending her cards, and trying to be there for each one of her calls, even if she chooses not to call me like she did on Tuesday. According to this program that I got, Nicki�s been gone for 1 month and 14 days, and each one�s been a nightmare in of its own. I feel like I get more and more used to not having her here with each passing day, but it is not easy and it is difficult for others to understand, especially given our situation. There�s a lot riding on Nicki�s success, and I guess no one really told me to prepare for the mental load that�s become a burden on me as well. I owe it to Nicki to tell her everything that has gone on, including my depression and suicidal thoughts, but I want to give her every possible chance to succeed at this, because she deserves every last one that I give her. Why? Because I love her too much to do less.

Anyways�on to somewhat more positive matters. Tonight I also helped the scouts out again. We�re getting ready to distribute these bags that people fill up with canned goods this Saturday. Next Saturday we will go around and pick up these bags. Our boy scout troop is going to be responsible for distributing these bags in an area that�s approximately 29 by 10 blocks. Leadership informed us of the area that we were covering and kinda asked for suggestions, and I jumped in right away like the crazy man that I am and actually made a few good suggestions. We�ll finalize deployements and coverage areas this Saturday, but I get the feeling my suggestions will be adopted into the final plan.

Anyways�time to get some sleep.

End log.

Personal Exercise Log

• Chest Press � 2 sets of 12 reps at 80 pounds, goal of 4 sets of 12 reps at 80 pounds.

• Fly Machine � 4 sets of 12 reps at 35 pounds, goal of 4 sets of 12 reps at 35 pounds.

• Seated Row � 4 sets of 12 reps at 90 pounds, goal of 4 sets of 12 reps at 90 pounds.

• Back Extensions � 4 sets of 10 reps at 200 pounds, goal of 4 sets of 10 reps at 200 pounds.

• Ab crunch � 2 sets of 10 reps at 115 pounds, goal of 4 sets of 10 reps at 115 pounds