Personal Log, Thursday 22 Apr 2004, 2241 Hours

Today was a series of events that definitely were out of place when compared to the previous few days. I got up in the morning and tried to finish yesterday�s entry, but I really can�t write well in the morning. I finished what I could around 0705, and then got ready to go to work. This time I decided to do something a little differently. Instead of readying my car for work, I readied my bike instead. I put on my favorite sweater, loaded my backpack with water and everything else I needed for the day. The pack seemed unusually heavy, even though I didn�t pack more than usual. It has a portion of it built to support a camelback pouch, which is a plastic water storage pouch with a hose that allows the user to suck water straight from the pouch through a hose, but I didn�t pack it today.

The weather for the ride was clear, but cold. The gloves that I got a few days ago have the fingertips cut off, and they were cold when I finally arrived at work. I also had to avoid sitting down, since my ass still hurt from the rough ride that I had a few days ago up to the fitness center. I first made a stop at the post office to drop off Nicki�s letter, but that was maybe a couple of blocks away. It was a little invigorating, but I was still pretty tired afterward. Perhaps I�m expecting too much.

The morning shift was not as stressful as it was the day before. It was busy, of course, but I wonder if it�s the meds or something else that made it easier. Out on the center floor, they�ve got carts with about four or five different receivers connected to it. My supervisor, who helps maintain the equipment on the floor, was installing new TiVos to each of these carts. They�re the Samsung 4040s, with 35hrs of recording capability, however there�s only one satellite line running to it, so it can only record one program at a time. I personally don�t like the Samsungs much, but I can at least record and pause my shows during the day.

After my morning shift, I rode home and went to the gym. Today was upper body workout day, and normally I work on these aerobic machines, but now I�ve decided to actually start working out in the weight room, right where I do my normal leg workouts. I can�t remember the name of most of the machines that I worked out on, but they were designed to work out my back muscles, pecks, arms, and shoulder muscles. I also moved up to 120 pounds on the ab crunch machine, and it won�t be long now before I move up to 205 pounds on the back extension machine either. I also did my 60 sit-ups, and this time I decided to run 1.5mi. I did it in 13:32, but more than that, after I ran I didn�t have any pain in my legs. Normally I would, and I hope that it�s not a fluke.

The last half of my shift was just as uneventful, but even then I had time to think about Nicki again. I didn�t get any new letters, but even then I found myself wondering if Nicki is just going through the why-the-hell-am-I-doing-this phase. I guess I�m still worried that she�s going to quit, or that something else bad is going to happen. It�s getting easier to be alone without her at my side, but I worry about her strength, worry that she hasn�t learned yet that she can really only rely on herself and that no one else down there is going to care about her. I�m also trying to see if there�s something else that I can do here or send her to help lift her spirits and not miss home so much.