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in the valley of darkness in the shadows of the night rising from the ashes of humanity he lives for honor THE REALM OF THE ROGUE MARINE |
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Personal Log, 10 Apr 2004 Report posted at a later time due to time limitations Greetings, As everyone can tell, there�s definitely a new look to my journal. I promised that this weekend I�d spruce it up, and true to my word, I did so. This is one of the few times when I can honestly say to myself that I did some good work here. It took about an hour and a half working between Adobe Photoshop to edit the screenshots and place them and edit the HTML code in MS FrontPage, but it seems to be paying off. No new entries in my guestbook yet, but then again, I�m not really highly publicizing the diary like I did last time. Redesigning my diary wasn�t the only thing that I did. I woke up around 0900 this morning, amazing not to my alarm. I set the clock for 0830, but I must not have armed the alarm. Anyways, I wanted to be up early because if Nicki gets the chance to call on a Saturday, it would be in the morning. Sure enough, an hour later she calls, but she only got to talk to me for a handful of minutes. Her inspections went fine, but someone�s wallet in her flight turned up missing and so, suspecting theft, her MTIs are punishing the whole flight. That, to me, sucked ass. She also says that the medics aren�t going to diagnose her with migraines, but just severe headaches. She also said that when they evaluate her next, which�ll probably be the 16th, they�ll decide whether she returns to training, or whether she goes for physical therapy. On a personal level, or maybe it�s a missing-the-hell-out-of-her level, I hope that she returns to training, but if she does, she�s going to be rolled back, but I would at least have a date on the calendar to mark off showing when she�d graduate. On a more logical level, I kinda hope she�s sent to physical therapy because she�ll likely need some further medical help with her leg, and while she�s there she�ll be able to train up and maybe leave therapy truly ready to join a flight heading into Week 4. Either way�she�ll still be away from me for a long time. It really annoys me that the Air Force has nothing, I mean absolutely nothing, to help out spouses of trainees, nothing. Not even a sheet of paper just telling me some basic things to keep in mind. Maybe it�s because she�s only a trainee, and could theoretically drop out at any time, so why bother when it�s not guaranteed that the trainee will stay. Rico also took me out to go see the movie Hellboy. The only thing that I can say about it is that I think that they ran out of money when they made the ending of it. They did a decent job of laying out a plot, explaining each character, and had a great lead-up to a climax, but then the climax never really happened. Overall, the movie was kinda bland. The concept was nice, but the movie needs some work in my opinion. When that was over, it was time for chow. We got home, and we had a few friends of the family over for the gathering. My sister Katie�s ex-boyfriend was over, and he was sitting in what would normally be Nicki�s spot. In deference to Nicki, I asked that a spot be set for her next to me, because I know she would be here for it if she could. I honestly have to say it took all my effort to restrain the fist that formed at my side from leaping out, belting him across the chin, and tumbling him over to the nearby counter and out of her spot. It sure as hell hurt to keep my mouth shut and not say anything. After dinner, I knew that Nicki might want some pictures of the gathering, so I went upstairs to grab my digital camera at my desk, and then I saw Nicki�s picture on my desktop wallpaper�and I collapsed. All day I�d been avoiding it, all day I�d been pushing it aside, trying to ignore it, but this time it was too much. I collapsed and cried for about 10-15 minutes, then suddenly my friend Michelle came online. She and I talked for a few minutes, and she helped straighten me out enough that I could go back down finally. Mom asked me what took me so long, but I lied and said that I had trouble finding good batteries. For my birthday, I got items that I asked for, new black and color cartridges for my printer, a widescreen copy of The Matrix Revolutions, and a new multimeter with some decent ability to read amperage. It�s a good thing that I got those cartridges, though, because as I was printing out some of the photos from the party my color cartridge gave out, and my black ink one is going to die soon as well, probably won�t last the end of the week. Anyways, it�s going to take a little bit of time to format the pictures for this site, so I�ll post them tomorrow. When the party was over, I came up here and put Revolutions in the DVD player, and sat down at my computer station to listen to it while I was online. Michelle came back online, and we had another major IM conversation that I decided to save, as I think Nicki needs to read what was said when all of this is over. While a lot of it is personal and good to get out into the open, I don�t think that I�m ready for a public airing of it yet. I�ll post it here later, but password lock it and hold onto to the encryption key for a while, maybe leave it locked and give Nicki the password when she�s out of boot. My conversation with Michelle lasted for about two hours online, and even at one point turned into an hour and sixteen-minute phone conversation. It felt better to talk to someone about all the truly nasty and devastating shit that I�ve gone through in my life, and how it�s shaped my mental state of the present. Personal Exercise Log No exercises conducted today � scheduled day off
Personal Log, 25 Apr 2004 - 2004-04-25
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